A peek at the first meeting of People for the Ethical Treatment of Spike. A redhead with sproingy curls steps up to the podium and bangs a gavel loudly to get the crowd's attention. The audience, a few hundred loyal worshippers of the blonde love-god, falls silent, waiting patiently for the chairwoman to speak. "Thank you all for coming," the redhead says, smiling at the audience. She looks out at the crowd, scanning the faces of young women, and not a few young men-all of whom are dressed incredibly well, a testament to their sexual preference. Pleased at the diversity of the loyal flock, the redhead nods to the audience at large. "I'm sure you're all aware of the reason we're here, if you got the flyers we dropped from the airplane. Those of you who are here to protest the unethical, and tortuous treatment of Spike, aka William the Bloody, are in the right place," she says. "If you were looking for the '1001 Ways to Kill Joss Whedon' seminar, you need to go three doors down." There is a bit of shuffling and whispering, and three or four people get up and leave. "Now, then. Everyone, welcome to the first ever annual meeting of People for the Ethical Treatment of Spike," the chairwoman says. There is a loud roar from the crowd, interspersed with applause and cheers of encouragement. "Let's just start off by listing all the times poor Spike has been royally screwed, shall we?" the chairwoman suggests. The lights dim and an overhead projector is turned on, showing a slide of Spike in the hallway of Sunnydale High. "St. Vigeous. He was supposed to kill the Slayer," the chairwoman says. "But, her mother, Joyce Summers, interferes, hitting Spike with an ax. This distracts him long enough for the Slayer to regroup, and she then thoroughly trounces him." There's a clicking sound, and another slide pops into place. This one shows Spike half-buried beneath the rubble in a church. "Here, Spike restored Drusilla to health, only to have the Slayer collapse the building on top of him, rendering him crippled for a period of eight months," the chairwoman says. There is a chorus of hisses and boos from the audience. Another click, and a slide showing Drusilla draped in Angelus' arms, while Spike sits in his wheelchair nearby, his jaw clenched in anger and pain. "The Slayer caused Angel to lose his soul, returning him to the personification of Angelus, the Scourge of Europe. Angelus took over Spike's band of vampires, and Drusilla betrayed him in favor of her Sire." The crowd goes wild at this, booing, hissing and throwing pieces of wadded up paper at the projected image. The chairwoman presses a button and the slide changes. This time, Spike is standing in horror, watching Drusilla make out with a Chaos demon on a park bench. "Drusilla dumped Spike for a Chaos demon, which are plainly disgusting," the redhead says, looking a bit nauseous. The audience shifts uncomfortably, most averting their faces from the grotesque Chaos Demon. Another click and the image changes. This slide shows Spike strapped to a gurney in a blindingly white on white facility. "Then, Spike was captured by the Initiative, and implanted with a computer chip that rendered him unable to feed, or even hit a human being in self-defense," she says. The audience makes horrified noises at the obvious abuse. Click. An image of Spike hung by chains appears, with Glorificus standing to one side, examining her nails while the blonde vampire bleeds from dozens of wounds she caused. "Glorificus tortured Spike for the location of the key. Of course, he didn't tell her. In exchange for Spike protecting her sister, the Slayer dutifully kissed him like you'd kiss an Uncle you didn't particularly like, and then left him to heal on his own." The audience rose to its collective feet at this point, screaming and booing. The image changed yet again; this time showing a battered Spike laying beneath a tower, looking up in horror at a glowing white-blue portal. "Here, Spike has broken nearly every bone in his body after trying to protect Dawn from the Doc," the chairwoman said. "In addition to the physical pain he's been subjected to, he's also forced to watch as the Slayer, who he loves against all better judgment, jumps into the portal to seal it with her own blood, killing her." Settling back into their seats, the audience is silent at this, a few scattered whispers at the injustice. Click. The slide changes, showing Spike naked, strategically covered by shadows in all the right places, and the Slayer's back as she walks away from him. Again. "After the Slayer's resurrection, she turned to Spike, using his body, taking advantage of his love to make herself feel better," the chairwoman says, plainly disgusted. "Once she got what she wanted from him, she threw him away like he was nothing more than trash, breaking his heart into a million tiny pieces." At this point, several people in the audience are crying openly. Click. An image of Spike leaving Sunnydale on his motorcycle appears. "After trying to make the Slayer admit she feels something for him-which ended with him nearly taking her on the floor-he left town, having been rejected once again by the Slayer." The audience sniffles a little, then seems to compose itself. The redhead pauses for a moment, getting a drink of water. Then, she presses a button and the slide changes again. This picture shows Spike shirtless, his back arched in obvious agony, a bright, white-gold glow engulfing his body and shining out of his eyes. "And, possibly the worst indignity he's ever been forced to suffer, Spike passed the Trials, and was rewarded with a soul, which was the polar opposite of what he asked for," the chairwoman states. The audience at large bursts into tears as the lights come up and the projector is shut off. "Now, it's obvious that Spike has been repeatedly tortured beyond what any civilized society should allow, whether he's human or not," the chairwoman says. "That begs the question of what we're going to do about it," she continues, then gestures to someone the audience can't quite see. Two bodyguard types climb onto the platform, dragging a short, brunette man between them. He's shaking and crying and begging for mercy, but the thugs ignore him, forcing him to stand in full-view of the crowd. "After careful deliberation, the panel of judges for People for the Ethical Treatment of Spike has voted that the hand of Fate, one Joss Whedon, is guilty of first-degree torture and repeated verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of Spike," the chairwoman tells the audience. Joss, at this point, is in full-on panic mode and starts struggling against his captors, screaming and begging for mercy, a suspicious puddle forming beneath his expensive Gucci loafers. "The sentence for your crimes, Mr. Whedon, is death by beheading," the chairwoman informs the pathetically simpering man. "Do you have any last words?" Joss screams at the top of his lungs, "I WANT MY MOMMY! MOOOMMMYYY!" The audience looks disgusted with the weakling who dared mistreat their precious Spike. "Executioner, carry out the sentence," the chairwoman says. Someone comes forward, dressed from head to toe in black, a dark hood obscuring his face. His boots make a loud clunking sound as he stalks across the platform, a double bladed ax held in his right hand. One of the thugs brings out a block of wood and sets it in front of Joss, who has given up on escape and just whimpers pathetically. The thugs yank Joss up by his shirt and force his head down on the block of wood as the executioner steps up. The audience is on its feet once again, cheering loudly as the executioner raises the ax, then pauses to look out at the crowd, blue eyes gleaming devilishly from the eyeholes in the hood he wears. Turning back to his task, he swings the ax down and lops Joss' head off in one fell swoop, watching it bounce and roll across the platform where some of the people in the front row fight over who gets to keep it. The crowd goes silent, unsure of what to do next, now that the evil mastermind is dead. The executioner turns to face the crowd and pulls off his hood, revealing bleached hair and sharp cheekbones. The roar of the audience is deafening as Spike gives them a bow and winks.