Blue On Black-Ch.3

You don't know me now.

And you didn't know me then.

You won't know just how

I am going to win.

A piercing shriek shattered the quiet and Spike turned away from tending Fred's bite mark toward the sound, a sudden look of rage coming to his face.

Fred and Gunn moved away from him, suddenly unsure of his soul's status, and Angel came to his feet with a growl of warning.

Spike ignored all three of them and stalked out the door, ignoring that the others had followed him.

Connor stood in front of the Hyperion, a small dark-haired child in his grasp, screaming and thrashing to get away.

“What's going on?” Angel asked Connor, frowning.

“I caught this demon trying to sneak in,” Connor told his father, holding the shrieking child in the air by the back of his shirt.

“Let `im go, or I'll break your bloody legs, runt,” Spike snarled at Connor, eyes gleaming golden.

“Spike!” Angel warned.

Spike ignored him and stepped in close to Connor, yanking the squirming boy from his grasp and holding him close.

The boy buried his head in Spike's neck and cried, clinging to the blonde vampire for all he was worth, his little body shaking.

“Some demon you found,” Spike told Connor sarcastically.

“Uh…what's going on?” Fred asked timidly.

Spike's features melted back to their human appearance and he looked at Fred. “Connor thought my boy was a bloody demon, that's what,” he said disgustedly.

You can't see me now.

And you won't know just when

I am coming through,

Just around the bend.

Angel raised an eyebrow at Spike. “Your boy?”

Spike shrugged. “Found `im livin' in the subway in Bucharest, half-starved an' sniffin' paint so he'd be too high to know how hungry he was,” he said. “There were about fifteen of `em there, none of `em out of their childhood. Couldn't do anythin' `bout the ones that wanted to stay, but this one wanted out. He didn't wanna die in that rat hole.”

“What about their parents? They just let their kids live like that? Or do they live in the subway, too?” Fred asked.

Spike shrugged. “The ones I talked to left home `cuz it was worse than the streets. Most of their parents beat `em, an' worse.”

Sensing that his small charge had calmed down, Spike set him down and knelt to be on eye-level with him, speaking in low tones in the boy's native tongue.

The boy nodded and clung to Spike's leg as he stood. “His name's Alyum,” he told the others. “He doesn't speak English yet. I'm tryin' to teach `im, but he isn't healthy enough yet to concentrate on learnin' anythin' new.”

“How old is he?” Angel asked, watching the little boy cling to the leg of someone who might've gleefully snapped his neck even a few years ago.

“He's not really sure. He thinks he's five, but he doesn't count very well,” Spike said, running his hand soothingly through Alyum's baby-fine black hair. “I'm guessin' he's six at the most. Might be younger, though. Hasn't lost any of his baby teeth yet.”

“My God,” Gunn said, shaking his head. “I come from the street, but five? Damn…Most of the kids I grew up with were at least ten.”

“Things are different in Bucharest,” Spike said, shrugging slightly. “There aren't child abuse laws an' whatnot. The kids get out when they can, to take their chances. There are two clinics that'll give `em medicine an' a meal, but for the most part, they're on their own, live or die.”

“Don't people…take advantage of them?” Fred asked, a frown marring her forehead.

“Sometimes, yeah. They've got a half-Bracken kid with `em. He takes care of `em when he can. He can't be everywhere at once, though,” Spike told her.

“I feel like we're doin' something wrong,” Gunn said. “I mean, yeah, we kill demons and vampires…But, we don't do anything about stuff like this.”

“You've got your job, mate. There are people that try to help with things like this, but you can't help someone if they don't want it,” Spike said. “Most of the kids there don't want anythin' but more money to buy paint to huff.”

Alyum's stomach growled and he looked ashamed of the sound, like he didn't think he had the right to be hungry.

Spike reached down and picked him up, speaking quietly to him, and Alyum gave him a blinding smile, looking as if he might cry at the same time.

“I'm raidin' your kitchen, Peaches,” Spike told Angel, then headed back inside.

You can't hurt me anymore,

Like you did before.

You can't hurt me anymore.

The others followed him inside, not sure what to make of the new development.

Angel was completely confused. He'd never seen Spike show such tenderness to anyone, except Drusilla. And even then, he'd been madly in love with her. Spike had treated Darla with a cold indifference that drove her mad with jealousy, but Spike made it clear he'd stake her if she so much as insulted his Dark Princess.

Shaking his head at his wandering thoughts, Angel couldn't help but smile at Spike swatting Alyum's hand when he tried to reach into the jar of Mayonnaise, saying something in a light, teasing tone to take away the sting of the reproach.

“I keep meetin' vampires like you two, and I'm gonna have to quit,” Gunn said. “This just isn't natural. It's like he's the kid's daddy. Demons are supposed to be evil. This don't wash.”

Angel shrugged. “He might as well be the boy's father, I guess.”

“I think it's sweet…Look at them,” Fred said, gesturing to where Spike and Alyum were engaged in a playful game of tug-of-war over a package of hot-dogs, the boy's laughter ringing out loudly.

“Someone's gonna have to take the kid shoppin',” Gunn said.

Fred giggled as she noticed that Alyum was wearing a black t-shirt that completely swallowed him. It had to be Spike's.

Connor stood slightly apart from the others, looking slightly baffled at their easy acceptance of the child.

“He's not a demon?” Connor asked, looking at Angel.

Angel shook his head. “No, he's not.”

“Then why does he speak like one?” his son asked.

Angel chuckled. “He doesn't. He's from Bucharest. That's the language the people speak there. It just sounds different than English.”

Connor frowned. “Oh.”

You can't see us now.

And you won't notice when

We are coming to take you to the end now.

Alyum poked Spike in the face and said something in an exited voice. Spike rolled his eyes, shaking his head, and let his demonic visage come forth, leaning toward the boy and growling, “Booga booga!”

Alyum squealed in delight, laughing and Spike grinned at him before letting his human features return. He ruffled the boy's hair fondly and then handed him a plate with a hot-dog on it.

Gulping the food, Alyum paused, looking sheepish when Spike said something to him, and slowed down somewhat, chewing each bite carefully with his mouth closed.

Once the boy had finished his food, Spike told him something in his native language and laughed as Alyum's eyes widened in horror, telling him something else in a joking tone.

Alyum gave him a dirty look, then pouted cutely.

“What was that all about?” Gunn asked curiously.

“I told `im he was takin' a bath,” Spike said wryly. “He doesn't like water much. Someone told `im he'd go down the drain when you pulled the plug.”

Fred giggled. “What'd you tell him?”

“I told him that it was alright, `cuz I can swim, an' I'd jump in an' save `im,” Spike told her, picking his charge up and trying to hide a smile as the boy cuddled closer.

“The bathroom's upstairs, third door to the right,” Angel told him.

Spike nodded and carried Alyum up the stairs, leaving the others downstairs to talk.

You can't hurt me anymore.

Like you did before.

Angel crept up the stairs and stood silently in the doorway of the room Spike had taken Alyum in to sleep. He watched as the blonde vampire tucked the slumbering youngster in and trailed one finger over the baby-soft cheek, then kissed the boy on the forehead and stood.

“Can we talk?” Angel asked quietly as Spike came into the hallway and shut the door softly.

Spike nodded and followed the dark-haired vampire to his office downstairs.

“What are you going to do with him?” Angel asked.

“I don't know,” Spike admitted. “I just couldn't leave `im there. Even if I do everythin' wrong, he's better off with me than he was there.”

“Are you going to keep him?” Angel asked.

“When I took him, I didn't think so,” Spike said. “But now…I don't think I can bleedin' let `im go. He's grown on me.”

“Do you love him?”

Spike raised startled blue eyes to Angel, then nodded tiredly. “Tried not to, but I can't help it. Anyone ever `urt `im, I'd kill `em.”

Angel smiled. “Good,” he said.

Spike blinked, a little surprised that Angel was accepting it so easily.

“Are you taking him back to Sunnydale with you?”

The blonde vampire frowned. “I…Hell, I don't know, Peaches,” he said, sighing and running a hand through his hair in frustration. “That's the last place I'd wanna take `im, it's not safe…But…I feel like it's home, now.”

Angel nodded. “He'll be protected there, you know,” he told the younger vampire. “Buffy and the others won't let anything happen to him.”

Spike winced at the mention of the blonde Slayer. “Buffy's gonna stake me soon's she lays eyes on me again.”

“Why? I thought you were helping them,” Angel said.

“I fucked up, Peaches,” the blonde said quietly. “Big time. I'd stake myself if it weren't for him,” he said, gesturing in the direction of where Alyum slept.

“What happened?”

“After I got the chip, I started helpin' the Scoobies in exchange for money an' blood,” Spike told him. “An' I made the mistake of followin' in your footsteps an' fallin' in love with the bloody Slayer.”

Angel raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

“ `Course, she didn't want anythin' to do with me. She didn't believe me. Don't blame `er, really. I wouldn't've believed me either, if I'd been her,” Spike said with a bitter smirk.

“Anyway…then GI Joke ran off an' left `er…That was partly my fault,” he said. “I could've just let it be, but I found out he was payin' vampire bitches to suck `im. I didn't want `er to have to bleedin' stake `im, so, like the soddin' idiot I am, I told her,” he continued.

“She didn't believe me, so I showed `er…An' they had a big fight, an' he left. Went off to the jungle somewhere,” Spike shrugged. “She thought I'd done it to `urt `er, so she hated me even more than usual.”

Angel nodded and gestured for him to continue.

“Then the whole mess with Glory started. I promised Buffy I'd protect Dawn from `er that night,” he looked up at Angel with tortured eyes. “The night she jumped.”

Spike was silent for a moment. “I broke my word. I didn't fight hard enough, an' I got tossed off the effin' tower like I was a bloody toy. Broke nearly every bone in my body when I hit the ground. An' then there was nothin' I could do, `cept watch `er jump into the portal.”

The blonde vampire cleared his throat. “When she came back…somethin' was off. She actually talked to me like I was a person, instead of just some thing she was supposed to kill. She told me that Willow hadn't saved `er from Hell. She'd been in Heaven, an' because of `er friends, she wasn't anymore.”

Angel's eyes widened in shock and sympathy. He'd never known. Buffy hadn't said anything when they'd met briefly after her resurrection.

“She said she felt dead inside, like she was touchin' the world through a curtain or somethin'. An' at the same time, she said that she hated bein' alive, `cuz everythin' was hard, an' painful. She wanted to feel alive again, an' she wanted to be able to feel somethin' besides pain,” he said quietly.

Angel had an idea of where the conversation was going, but didn't say anything.

“She started comin' to me. I thought she'd eventually start to feel somethin' more than just…” he looked up at Angel, then quickly lowered his gaze again. “But, after a while, she started adjustin' to life again, and she said she was usin' me, an' it was killin' `er.”

“I didn't take it too well. I thought I could make `er feel somethin', if I just bloody tried hard enough,” he said. “But, all I ended up doin' was `urtin' `er. I almost took `er by force on her bleedin' bathroom floor,” he said, ashamed.

“I've never raped anyone in my unlife, an' I nearly did it to her. Someone I effin' loved,” he shook his head in disgust with himself.

“I left town the next night, ended up in Kampala…An' you know the rest,” Spike said.

“Do you want me to stake you?” Angel asked him.

Spike blinked. “What?”

“Do you want me to stake you?” he repeated.

“Why would I want that?” Spike asked, perplexed.

“Just making sure,” the dark-haired vampire told him. “If you'd done it on purpose, if you were trying to hurt her, I'd beat the demon out of you. But, you weren't. And ultimately, you stopped yourself before things went too far.”

Spike stared at Angel as if he'd grown a second head.

“Look, I'm not going to pat you on the head and say everything's alright. You and I both know it isn't, and what you did was inexcusable. But, I know why it happened. You had a chip that forced you to restrain the more violent tendancies in your nature. It was only a matter of time until the demon forced you to do something,” Angel said.

“You've got a soul now, and the urges aren't going to be as bad, but they're still there. You're lucky, because you've already got experience in fighting against your darker side. I think that Alyum is safe with you. I believe you would die before you let anything happen to him,” Angel continued. “And I think that Buffy and the others will eventually forgive you. It won't be easy, and you'll have to work for it, but they will.”

“You don't really believe that.”

“Yes, I do. I know you, Spike. When you love someone, you love completely. You're loyal, and you would never intentionally do something to hurt them. I've been where you are, remember? After eighty years with a soul, Angelus has completely gone insane. Sometimes, I'm very, very tempted to do things that I know are evil, and wrong. But, the temptation is still there, no matter what. If I can fight it with no preparation, then I know you can. You've always been stronger than I am in that way. When you want something badly enough, you don't let go and stop fighting until you have it,” Angel said.

Spike swallowed thickly. “Thank you. That…means a lot, comin' from you.”

Angel smiled. “No matter what, I've always been proud of you, Spike. When I was Angelus, you were the perfect childe. And once you started making decisions that had to do with more than what your demon wanted, I was proud that you were my blood, even now.”

Spike just stared at him, lost for words.

“If you ever need anything, Will, you know you can come to me,” Angel said, reaching out and squeezing Spike's shoulder. “No matter what else happens, you're family. You'll always be welcome here.”

The blonde vampire gave him a slight smile. “Thanks. I may have to take you up on that, if Buffy starts chasin' me `round with a stake.”

Angel shook his head. “If I were you, I'd call first. Have her meet you somewhere public to talk. That way, she can be sure you're not going to ambush her, and you'll be sure she can't stake you without having to explain how someone turned to dust.”

Spike laughed. “Got `er pegged, eh?”

Angel shrugged. “I have my moments.”

You can't hurt me anymore.

Like you did before.


	You don't know me now. And you didn't know me then. You won't know just how I am going to win. A piercing shriek shattered the quiet and Spike turned away from tending Fred's bite mark toward the sound, a sudden look of rage coming to his face. Fred and Gunn moved away from him, suddenly unsure of his soul's status, and Angel came to his feet with a growl of warning. Spike ignored all three of them and stalked out the door, ignoring that the others had followed him. Connor stood in front of the Hyperion, a small dark-haired child in his grasp, screaming and thrashing to get away. “What's going on?” Angel asked Connor, frowning. “I caught this demon trying to sneak in,” Connor told his father, holding the shrieking child in the air by the back of his shirt. “Let `im go, or I'll break your bloody legs, runt,” Spike snarled at Connor, eyes gleaming golden. “Spike!” Angel warned. Spike ignored him and stepped in close to Connor, yanking the squirming boy from his grasp and holding him close. The boy buried his head in Spike's neck and cried, clinging to the blonde vampire for all he was worth, his little body shaking. “Some demon you found,” Spike told Connor sarcastically. “Uh…what's going on?” Fred asked timidly. Spike's features melted back to their human appearance and he looked at Fred. “Connor thought my boy was a bloody demon, that's what,” he said disgustedly. You can't see me now. And you won't know just when I am coming through, Just around the bend. Angel raised an eyebrow at Spike. “Your boy?” Spike shrugged. “Found `im livin' in the subway in Bucharest, half-starved an' sniffin' paint so he'd be too high to know how hungry he was,” he said. “There were about fifteen of `em there, none of `em out of their childhood. Couldn't do anythin' `bout the ones that wanted to stay, but this one wanted out. He didn't wanna die in that rat hole.” “What about their parents? They just let their kids live like that? Or do they live in the subway, too?” Fred asked. Spike shrugged. “The ones I talked to left home `cuz it was worse than the streets. Most of their parents beat `em, an' worse.” Sensing that his small charge had calmed down, Spike set him down and knelt to be on eye-level with him, speaking in low tones in the boy's native tongue. The boy nodded and clung to Spike's leg as he stood. “His name's Alyum,” he told the others. “He doesn't speak English yet. I'm tryin' to teach `im, but he isn't healthy enough yet to concentrate on learnin' anythin' new.” “How old is he?” Angel asked, watching the little boy cling to the leg of someone who might've gleefully snapped his neck even a few years ago. “He's not really sure. He thinks he's five, but he doesn't count very well,” Spike said, running his hand soothingly through Alyum's baby-fine black hair. “I'm guessin' he's six at the most. Might be younger, though. Hasn't lost any of his baby teeth yet.” “My God,” Gunn said, shaking his head. “I come from the street, but five? Damn…Most of the kids I grew up with were at least ten.” “Things are different in Bucharest,” Spike said, shrugging slightly. “There aren't child abuse laws an' whatnot. The kids get out when they can, to take their chances. There are two clinics that'll give `em medicine an' a meal, but for the most part, they're on their own, live or die.” “Don't people…take advantage of them?” Fred asked, a frown marring her forehead. “Sometimes, yeah. They've got a half-Bracken kid with `em. He takes care of `em when he can. He can't be everywhere at once, though,” Spike told her. “I feel like we're doin' something wrong,” Gunn said. “I mean, yeah, we kill demons and vampires…But, we don't do anything about stuff like this.” “You've got your job, mate. There are people that try to help with things like this, but you can't help someone if they don't want it,” Spike said. “Most of the kids there don't want anythin' but more money to buy paint to huff.” Alyum's stomach growled and he looked ashamed of the sound, like he didn't think he had the right to be hungry. Spike reached down and picked him up, speaking quietly to him, and Alyum gave him a blinding smile, looking as if he might cry at the same time. “I'm raidin' your kitchen, Peaches,” Spike told Angel, then headed back inside. Now I am free. You can't hurt me anymore, Like you did before. You can't hurt me anymore. The others followed him inside, not sure what to make of the new development. Angel was completely confused. He'd never seen Spike show such tenderness to anyone, except Drusilla. And even then, he'd been madly in love with her. Spike had treated Darla with a cold indifference that drove her mad with jealousy, but Spike made it clear he'd stake her if she so much as insulted his Dark Princess. Shaking his head at his wandering thoughts, Angel couldn't help but smile at Spike swatting Alyum's hand when he tried to reach into the jar of Mayonnaise, saying something in a light, teasing tone to take away the sting of the reproach. “I keep meetin' vampires like you two, and I'm gonna have to quit,” Gunn said. “This just isn't natural. It's like he's the kid's daddy. Demons are supposed to be evil. This don't wash.” Angel shrugged. “He might as well be the boy's father, I guess.” “I think it's sweet…Look at them,” Fred said, gesturing to where Spike and Alyum were engaged in a playful game of tug-of-war over a package of hot-dogs, the boy's laughter ringing out loudly. “Someone's gonna have to take the kid shoppin',” Gunn said. Fred giggled as she noticed that Alyum was wearing a black t-shirt that completely swallowed him. It had to be Spike's. Connor stood slightly apart from the others, looking slightly baffled at their easy acceptance of the child. “He's not a demon?” Connor asked, looking at Angel. Angel shook his head. “No, he's not.” “Then why does he speak like one?” his son asked. Angel chuckled. “He doesn't. He's from Bucharest. That's the language the people speak there. It just sounds different than English.” Connor frowned. “Oh.” You can't see us now. And you won't notice when We are coming to take you to the end now. Alyum poked Spike in the face and said something in an exited voice. Spike rolled his eyes, shaking his head, and let his demonic visage come forth, leaning toward the boy and growling, “Booga booga!” Alyum squealed in delight, laughing and Spike grinned at him before letting his human features return. He ruffled the boy's hair fondly and then handed him a plate with a hot-dog on it. Gulping the food, Alyum paused, looking sheepish when Spike said something to him, and slowed down somewhat, chewing each bite carefully with his mouth closed. Once the boy had finished his food, Spike told him something in his native language and laughed as Alyum's eyes widened in horror, telling him something else in a joking tone. Alyum gave him a dirty look, then pouted cutely. “What was that all about?” Gunn asked curiously. “I told `im he was takin' a bath,” Spike said wryly. “He doesn't like water much. Someone told `im he'd go down the drain when you pulled the plug.” Fred giggled. “What'd you tell him?” “I told him that it was alright, `cuz I can swim, an' I'd jump in an' save `im,” Spike told her, picking his charge up and trying to hide a smile as the boy cuddled closer. “The bathroom's upstairs, third door to the right,” Angel told him. Spike nodded and carried Alyum up the stairs, leaving the others downstairs to talk. I am free. You can't hurt me anymore. Like you did before. Angel crept up the stairs and stood silently in the doorway of the room Spike had taken Alyum in to sleep. He watched as the blonde vampire tucked the slumbering youngster in and trailed one finger over the baby-soft cheek, then kissed the boy on the forehead and stood. “Can we talk?” Angel asked quietly as Spike came into the hallway and shut the door softly. Spike nodded and followed the dark-haired vampire to his office downstairs. “What are you going to do with him?” Angel asked. “I don't know,” Spike admitted. “I just couldn't leave `im there. Even if I do everythin' wrong, he's better off with me than he was there.” “Are you going to keep him?” Angel asked. “When I took him, I didn't think so,” Spike said. “But now…I don't think I can bleedin' let `im go. He's grown on me.” “Do you love him?” Spike raised startled blue eyes to Angel, then nodded tiredly. “Tried not to, but I can't help it. Anyone ever `urt `im, I'd kill `em.” Angel smiled. “Good,” he said. Spike blinked, a little surprised that Angel was accepting it so easily. “Are you taking him back to Sunnydale with you?” The blonde vampire frowned. “I…Hell, I don't know, Peaches,” he said, sighing and running a hand through his hair in frustration. “That's the last place I'd wanna take `im, it's not safe…But…I feel like it's home, now.” Angel nodded. “He'll be protected there, you know,” he told the younger vampire. “Buffy and the others won't let anything happen to him.” Spike winced at the mention of the blonde Slayer. “Buffy's gonna stake me soon's she lays eyes on me again.” “Why? I thought you were helping them,” Angel said. “I fucked up, Peaches,” the blonde said quietly. “Big time. I'd stake myself if it weren't for him,” he said, gesturing in the direction of where Alyum slept. “What happened?” “After I got the chip, I started helpin' the Scoobies in exchange for money an' blood,” Spike told him. “An' I made the mistake of followin' in your footsteps an' fallin' in love with the bloody Slayer.” Angel raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. “ `Course, she didn't want anythin' to do with me. She didn't believe me. Don't blame `er, really. I wouldn't've believed me either, if I'd been her,” Spike said with a bitter smirk. “Anyway…then GI Joke ran off an' left `er…That was partly my fault,” he said. “I could've just let it be, but I found out he was payin' vampire bitches to suck `im. I didn't want `er to have to bleedin' stake `im, so, like the soddin' idiot I am, I told her,” he continued. “She didn't believe me, so I showed `er…An' they had a big fight, an' he left. Went off to the jungle somewhere,” Spike shrugged. “She thought I'd done it to `urt `er, so she hated me even more than usual.” Angel nodded and gestured for him to continue. “Then the whole mess with Glory started. I promised Buffy I'd protect Dawn from `er that night,” he looked up at Angel with tortured eyes. “The night she jumped.” Spike was silent for a moment. “I broke my word. I didn't fight hard enough, an' I got tossed off the effin' tower like I was a bloody toy. Broke nearly every bone in my body when I hit the ground. An' then there was nothin' I could do, `cept watch `er jump into the portal.” The blonde vampire cleared his throat. “When she came back…somethin' was off. She actually talked to me like I was a person, instead of just some thing she was supposed to kill. She told me that Willow hadn't saved `er from Hell. She'd been in Heaven, an' because of `er friends, she wasn't anymore.” Angel's eyes widened in shock and sympathy. He'd never known. Buffy hadn't said anything when they'd met briefly after her resurrection. “She said she felt dead inside, like she was touchin' the world through a curtain or somethin'. An' at the same time, she said that she hated bein' alive, `cuz everythin' was hard, an' painful. She wanted to feel alive again, an' she wanted to be able to feel somethin' besides pain,” he said quietly. Angel had an idea of where the conversation was going, but didn't say anything. “She started comin' to me. I thought she'd eventually start to feel somethin' more than just…” he looked up at Angel, then quickly lowered his gaze again. “But, after a while, she started adjustin' to life again, and she said she was usin' me, an' it was killin' `er.” “I didn't take it too well. I thought I could make `er feel somethin', if I just bloody tried hard enough,” he said. “But, all I ended up doin' was `urtin' `er. I almost took `er by force on her bleedin' bathroom floor,” he said, ashamed. “I've never raped anyone in my unlife, an' I nearly did it to her. Someone I effin' loved,” he shook his head in disgust with himself. “I left town the next night, ended up in Kampala…An' you know the rest,” Spike said. “Do you want me to stake you?” Angel asked him. Spike blinked. “What?” “Do you want me to stake you?” he repeated. “Why would I want that?” Spike asked, perplexed. “Just making sure,” the dark-haired vampire told him. “If you'd done it on purpose, if you were trying to hurt her, I'd beat the demon out of you. But, you weren't. And ultimately, you stopped yourself before things went too far.” Spike stared at Angel as if he'd grown a second head. “Look, I'm not going to pat you on the head and say everything's alright. You and I both know it isn't, and what you did was inexcusable. But, I know why it happened. You had a chip that forced you to restrain the more violent tendancies in your nature. It was only a matter of time until the demon forced you to do something,” Angel said. “You've got a soul now, and the urges aren't going to be as bad, but they're still there. You're lucky, because you've already got experience in fighting against your darker side. I think that Alyum is safe with you. I believe you would die before you let anything happen to him,” Angel continued. “And I think that Buffy and the others will eventually forgive you. It won't be easy, and you'll have to work for it, but they will.” “You don't really believe that.” “Yes, I do. I know you, Spike. When you love someone, you love completely. You're loyal, and you would never intentionally do something to hurt them. I've been where you are, remember? After eighty years with a soul, Angelus has completely gone insane. Sometimes, I'm very, very tempted to do things that I know are evil, and wrong. But, the temptation is still there, no matter what. If I can fight it with no preparation, then I know you can. You've always been stronger than I am in that way. When you want something badly enough, you don't let go and stop fighting until you have it,” Angel said. Spike swallowed thickly. “Thank you. That…means a lot, comin' from you.” Angel smiled. “No matter what, I've always been proud of you, Spike. When I was Angelus, you were the perfect childe. And once you started making decisions that had to do with more than what your demon wanted, I was proud that you were my blood, even now.” Spike just stared at him, lost for words. “If you ever need anything, Will, you know you can come to me,” Angel said, reaching out and squeezing Spike's shoulder. “No matter what else happens, you're family. You'll always be welcome here.” The blonde vampire gave him a slight smile. “Thanks. I may have to take you up on that, if Buffy starts chasin' me `round with a stake.” Angel shook his head. “If I were you, I'd call first. Have her meet you somewhere public to talk. That way, she can be sure you're not going to ambush her, and you'll be sure she can't stake you without having to explain how someone turned to dust.” Spike laughed. “Got `er pegged, eh?” Angel shrugged. “I have my moments.” I am free. You can't hurt me anymore. Like you did before.